


Curiosity killed the cat

by boleyn13



Series: Avengers Compound [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avenger Bucky Barnes, Avenger Loki, Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, Everybody else is having fun, F/M, M/M, Tony has a bad day, Tony likes to throw things at people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 16:21:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7113280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boleyn13/pseuds/boleyn13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life isn't easy at the Avenger's compound. People eat your food, enter your private workshop, refuse to manipulate the mind of a Norse god when you ask them to, they do things in your pool that they clearly shouldn't do and that black panther is obviously sending you mixed signals. Tony is just having a bad day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Curiosity killed the cat

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> let's have some fun and make Tony's life a living hell, shall we? :D

“Well, it could have been a lot worse…”

To his credit Barnes somehow looked as if he was feeling guilty, but Tony still wanted to get his suit and fire some energy beams at him. Luckily it wasn’t him who openly growled at him but Sam. “Seriously? How could this have been any worse?”

To emphasize his point Sam pointed at the huge burn mark on the wall and Barnes sheepishly shrugged. “Yeah, sorry… it didn’t expect them to start throwing… spells at each other.”

And now it was Rhodey’s turn. “It’s fucking Loki and the only guy on earth he’s jealous of! What did you think would happen!?”

“I do not appreciate that you put the blame on my brother. The doctor was taunting him.” Thor still treated the whole incident like a minor disagreement about which movie to watch. Kind of ignoring the fact that five minutes ago they had been hiding behind the dinner table, because they had feared for their life. And now some of Tony’s chairs were trashed, there was a hole in the carpet and the already mentioned burned wall.

“You are so paying for this and I mean that literally.” Tony rubbed his temples and Natasha turned out to be his saving grace, handing him a new drink. He had spilled his last one when he had hidden from the magic off.

“Hey! I didn’t do… that!” Barnes made a ridiculous gesture around the room and Tony was ready to bite his head off when Steve jumped in, putting his hand on Barnes’ shoulder. Aww, saving his boyfriend? How cute. Tony was going to throw up…

“Buck… I guess it’d be better if you… were silent.”

“Yeah and don’t invite an arrogant sorcerer who doesn’t play well with others to upset our own arrogant sorcerer who doesn’t play well with others. That’s the first page of the fucking textbook! First strike, Barnes! First strike!”

“Hey, it was still Loki and Strange who…”

“Second strike! You hear that?! That’s my fucking blood pressure going through the roof! You know what? Fuck you all, I’m going to bed.”

Tony was quite content with his dramatic exit, muttering under his breath how fucking stupid Barnes was and that everyone could go fuck themselves. Storming into his room Tony slammed the door shut behind him and instantly jumped out of his skin. “Fucking hell! Can’t a guy get a break?”

Sharp yellow eyes were watching him and the panther licked its lip. Great, so it considered Tony his dinner. What a great way to die. Tony was too frustrated to deal with this shit. Except for… Hell, if Tony had a Norse god lying in his bed… as a fucking panther… Tony would be even more furious than he was now.

“Loki, if that’s you, you better be a person and naked in exactly one second or get out of my bed!”

The panther didn’t bother to hold back a yawn and comfortably placed its head on the blanket. Well, that could mean anything. Tony had no clue if that was Loki or the actual panther and he didn’t give a fuck. Today Tony wasn’t dealing with any more shit. He was done.

Stripping off his shirt and pants Tony got into bed after telling the panther to scoot over. Sliding under the covers Tony sighed. Sorcerers trashing his furniture and Steve was getting more sex than him. Bad day. “Jarvis, lights off.”

Shortly after closing his eyes Tony could feel a weight being placed on his chest. Now this was getting ridiculous. Despite wanting to Tony couldn’t bring himself to shy the panther away, he was warm and even purring softly. Fine, he had done that one time before and it hadn’t eaten him.

Also this was so obviously Loki.

Tony could imagine worse thing than spending the night with a Norse god in his bed.

After an indefinite amount of sleep Tony woke up and instantly yawned. No matter what time it was, it was too soon. The bed was so heavenly comfortable and Tony only wanted to sink further into the mattress. Also this cushion was way softer than the one in the tower. Also warmer and it was moving. Opening his eyes Tony realised that his arm was placed around the panther, his head resting against it.

Wow… Loki was seriously still doing this? This was getting ridiculous. Shrugging it off Tony shifted even closer, cuddling the panther. Yep, that was why Loki was here after all. For a while Tony was content just lying there until he looked up and realised that Kitty Loki was actually awake. Aha, time to have an awkward talk now. Or not so awkward, deepening on Loki’s reaction.

“You know…” Tony moved his fingers through the fur, caressing it softly. “You don’t have to turn into a fluffy kitten to get into my bed. You are very much allowed being your usual… quite attractive self. Hell, I’d prefer it… Okay, I’m still a little bit miffed about you trashing my living room, but I will get over it. I would get over it much faster if you told me how sorry you are…”

The panther looked at him, blinked and yawned. Another way to say fuck you. Just great.

“Got you. You still need some time to think. Gotchya. I’m going to take a shower. Panthers not allowed in the bathroom.”

Now it wasn’t even blinking. Awesome…

Getting out off bed Tony more or less stumbled into the bathroom, stripping off his clothes on the way there. Maybe the whole panther thing was a weird Asgardian thing you did when you wanted to pick somebody up? Crazy alien gods. What a massive waste of time. Anyway, Tony was in the shower, he was naked, that should speed things up. Seconds passed and turned into minutes and Tony was still alone.

What the fuck?

He did say he was going to take a shower, right? Loki couldn’t be so stupid to not get the invitation. Why would he sleep in Tony’s bed and stay away from his shower? This fucking Asgardian with a panther kink was giving Tony a headache. Seriously? After twenty fucking minutes in the shower Tony’s skin felt disgustingly soggy, so he finally got out. Drying off Tony walked back into his bedroom, ready to yell at a panther only to notice that it wasn’t even here anymore.

That was it!

Next time that stupid cat was trying to cuddle up to him Tony would kick it. Fuck PETA. What a fucking way to start the day, it was only fair that Tony would make everybody’s life a living hell today. Totally Loki’s fault.

When Tony arrived in the kitchen he was kind of relieved to see that he was too late for breakfast and nobody was here anymore. Great, nobody there to piss him off. At least the room had been already fixed. Probably Loki or Wanda. Tony hated magic. Sitting down Ton tried to replace his blood with hot steaming coffee and read the newspaper when Natasha showed up to make his miserable day worse.

“We need to talk.”

“I didn’t do it.”

“What?”

“Whatever you are going to accuse me of. I didn’t do it. Can’t say I didn’t try though.”

Natasha only slightly raised an eyebrow at him before deciding that she would ignore his remarks. “Are you going to stay longer this time? If so we need to adjust the cooking schedule.”

She had to be fucking kidding him. “I’m sitting this one out.”

Wow, assassin death glare, that one didn’t work on Tony. Not after Barnes and Loki. “Hey, I fucking paid for this entire compound and I don’t make you guys pay rent or throw you out for fucking the place up. So no – I am not going to cook for you. Actually I plan on sitting on my ass all the fucking time and let one of you guys massage my feet, while somebody else is feeding me grapes. That’s all you can expect from me. Got it? Cool.”

Yes, message conveyed, good. Mental pat on the shoulder and high five.

Natasha didn’t look impressed, she didn’t even blink and that was terribly disappointing. “Tony, do us all a favour and get laid.”

His mouth dropped open in shock while Natasha was already walking out on him. “Hey, I tried!”

Now that sounded pathetic… Tony Stark trying to get laid and not succeeding? That was a first one? But hey, until now Tony had only tried to hit on a panther. Technically. So it wasn’t a complete failure. Damn, Tony wanted a drink, but he couldn’t start two days in a row with drinking before noon. Even Tony Stark had to admit that this was too much. Time to disappear in the workshop that would be for the best, his toys never disappointed him and they usually didn’t try to piss him off. Good plan.

On his way downstairs Tony didn’t meet anyone, thank fuck for that. The second he sat down and picked up a screwdriver Tony felt himself lightening up. Metal and wires made everything better. Maybe Tony should build a collar for the fucking panther. One that would give him electric shocks as soon as he came too close to Tony. Now that was a great idea. This way there also wouldn’t be any more misunderstandings if Loki felt like turning into a predator. The collar sounded better by the second.

Humming to himself Tony gathered his tools. “Friday, I need some working atmosphere in here…”

“Of course, Boss.”

Deep Purple, good choice.

Tony got to work, slowly forgetting why he had been in a bad mood. Today could be a good day…

“Tony!”

Until somebody had started yelling at him. Directly into his ear. What the fuck?! “Cap, are you fucking crazy?! Friday, turn off the music.”

Next to him Steve realised a sigh of relief and why was he looking annoyed? He was the one who had just interrupted Tony!

“Sorry, I said your name about ten times, but you couldn’t hear me…”

“What are you doing in here anyway? Friday, don’t tell me I haven’t already installed a new protocol. I don’t like random people walking into my workshop.”

Steve scowled at that and Tony was tempted to laugh until he saw Barnes lurking behind Steve. No, Tony didn’t like that. People in his workshop weren’t a pleasant view. Sure, if Barnes wanted Tony to check out his arm, he was very welcome, but like this, no way. “If you want something from me, you could have told Friday. I am busy working. Can’t you see? Screwdriver. Screws. Work. Off you go. Don’t you have some work-out to do? Roll across the floor, get you in the mood? Fuck up my dining room and kitchen a little bit more?”

Steve cleared his throat and Tony was content to see a slight blush covering his cheeks. Made him uncomfortable, not a difficult task, but always fun. “Actually we’re here, because of that.”

“No, we’re not.” Barnes was snarling and Steve shot him a dark glance. Ha, lovers quarrel? Interesting. Still Tony didn’t want to have them in the workshop.

“Bucky, we talked about this. It’s bad enough that I have to be here to make sure you actually do it…” Oh, Steve was using his Captain voice? On his favourite Avenger alias boyfriend. Even more interesting.

Barnes continued to glare, but that was nothing new. Not impressing at all. Especially after last night when Tony had seen Loki trying to kill Doctor Strange by staring him down. That had been fucking scary… and kind of hot. Anyway, why were they still here? “Can you guys take your fight to somewhere else? Fuck, go for a swim in the pool if you need to cool off. I’m trying to work here.”

Steve didn’t add anything; he merely looked at Barnes, nodding softly. So he was expecting something. Whatever, it wasn’t like Tony cared.

Huffing loudly Barnes shrugged. “Fine! Stark, I am… I am sorry about last night. Calling Strange to piss off Loki was a… stupid idea.”

Tony raised an eyebrow and didn’t know how to react, because that was the worst apology he had ever heard. Seriously Barnes was barely able to keep the grin off his face when talking about how pissed off Loki had been. This was a man who regretted nothing. Steve definitely noticed too, since he sighed lightly.

“And…?”

“What? What the hell do you want more?” Barnes snapped and Steve cleared his throat. “Bucky, please.”

Oh, Barnes was never going to live that down. Tony desperately wanted to make a comment about him not getting any tonight, but he was too curious if he might get a better apology and damn, Tony deserved one.

“Shit, alright… whatever… Sorry that they trashed the place, I didn’t think of that. It’s all fixed now anyway! Also, I am sure you have enough money in the back pocket of your jeans to pay for the damage.”

Steve was pinching his nose and that was as close as he would ever get to a face palm. Screw it, Tony had earned this. “Nice apology, Barnes. Do you like it when Cap tells you what to do? Do you include this in your roleplay when you get it on?”

“Tony…”

Nice. Steve’s cheeks were flaming red and Barnes’ eyebrow twitched.

“Seriously? That was just a guess, but cool. Happy for you. Your shitty apology is accepted.”

Barnes still growled and turned around.

“Under one condition.”

“Oh, come on!”

“You have to apologize to Loki too and tell him that I made you apologize.” Tony couldn’t keep the grin off his face and it only grew wider when he saw how Barnes’ jaw dropped to the floor. To his credit he got a grip real fast and looked at Tony as if he wanted to rip him apart. Maybe it was better to take a step back… or hide to behind Steve.

“Fuck you, Stark! I am not going to apologize to this arrogant son of a bitch. I’m not going to help you to hit that!”

Turning around on his heels Barnes stormed out and Tony rolled his eyes. What a drama queen. “Well, you still have some work to do to make a nice lady out of him, Doctor Higgings.”

Steve didn’t try to hide his frustration. “Was this necessary? You know that him and Loki obviously don’t get along.”

“Yeah, because your boyfriend is pissed off that the dark, brooding serial killer look is way cooler on Loki than on him.”

For a moment Tony thought that Steve was going to give him a lecture, instead he got another sigh and Steve left the room, going after Bucky. Great, 2:0 for Tony. Served them right.

“Friday, new securities codes for the lab. I want some privacy in here.”

After working several hours on his new suit, Tony had discarded the idea of the collar, because he didn’t want to die, Tony returned upstairs and made himself a sandwich in the kitchen. With his mouth full of deliciousness Tony wandered into the living room and greeted Sam still chewing on his sandwich. “Hey…”

Sam only nodded softly, his eyes still fixed on the book in his hands. So Cap’s sidekick could read. Interesting. Also…

“What the…” Tony spat out half of the sandwich when he realised that Sam wasn’t alone. A big, huge ball of fur was lying right next to him, a head resting in his Sam’s lap and his hand was absently caressing it.

No fucking way!

“No! No, get your hands off him! And you?! Are you cuddling with anybody?! We were having a moment this morning!” Tony knew that he was talking a little too loudly, okay, maybe he was shouting and making wild gestures that were the slightest bit exaggerated, but again – what the hell was Loki doing?!

This was cheating! This totally counted as cheating! With Sam though? Where was the logic in that!? Tony was so much better! He didn’t need fucking wings to fly around! Also – he was Tony!

And an obvious mad man, judging by the look Sam was giving him. “Have you lost your mind? Again?”

Ignoring his question Tony pointed at the panther which didn’t even grant him a look. Now that was just cruel. First he didn’t want to shower with him and now he was getting his dose of cuddling from the Birdman?!

No! Just no!

“Wilson, I am only going to say this one single time – get your hands off the panther. Now.” Tony hoped that he looked at least a bit threatening with his half eaten sandwich in his hand.

Sam was raising both eyebrows, his hand resting on the panther’s head and Tony wanted to laser it off. Was Loki trying to get back at him somehow? Or was this an incredibly weird attempt to make him jealous? Anyway, Loki was succeeding on all levels and Tony was about to throw his sandwich at Sam. Why was his hand still touching that perfectly soft fur?

“Whatever you are smoking, Stark… can I have some of it?”

Three, two, one…

Before Tony could unleash hell upon Sam the panther finally raised his head and yawned in annoyance. Then it merely jumped off Sam’s lap and disappeared out of the room. “What the fuck?! You just leave like that!”

“Seriously, Stark, are you high?”

“Don’t touch the panther!”

Yes, Tony was aware that he was exaggerating a little bit, he was trying to make a point. Other people weren’t allowed to touch his kitty cat. Loki cat. Whatever…

Time for a confrontation!

Ignoring Sam’s babbling about getting a psychologist to the compound Tony followed the panther, only to find out that there was no trace of it. Loki was a sneak little shit. “Friday, where is the god of mischief hiding?”

“Not exactly hiding, boss. He is in the garden.”

“On my way!” Tony stalked outside, full of confidence and rage. That stupid shapeshifter wouldn’t know what hit him. Nobody was allowed to double-cross Tony Stark!

It was a sunny day, pleasantly warm and therefore it wasn’t surprising that people would go outside to enjoy the weather. Or to play chess. With Vision. While not being a panther. Huh? Weird, but Tony couldn’t afford losing some of his steam. “What is this creepy panther kink about?! Are you cuddling with anyone?! I would get it if you were fucking around, but cuddling?! With Sam!? When you could cuddle with all of his?!” Tony gestured at himself, realising he still had that sandwich in his hand, so quickly threw it away.

Well… those were some interesting reactions…

Tony had seen all kind of emotions on Vision’s face, but he hadn’t seen confusion until now. Now that was weird and yes, it was totally freaking Tony out. When a seemingly all-knowing being with endless patience and understanding was looking at you as if you were the biggest basket case that had ever walked the earth… fucking wonderful. Loki was bit more straight forward.

“Stark, did you try to expand your consciousness by consuming several intoxicating substances?” He said it completely unimpressed, one eyebrow slightly raised and that condescending snarl on his lips.

That made Tony feel a bit strange. Was it normal to think something made a person hot and at the same time wanting to punch them in the face?

“Right, illegal substances! What stuff did you take to make you snuggle up to Wilson? Wilson! Who is next, Thor?!”

“Mr. Stark, I fear I do not understand your… predicament. You seem to have trouble articulating yourself in a comprehensive manner…” Vision looked at Loki for help who shook his head. “Ignore him. He seems to be having psychotic episodes for some days now. You were just about to lose this game, let’s get back to this.”

And they did.

Loki and Vision were focusing their attention on the board of chess in front of them. They couldn’t be serious. First treating Tony like a madman and then they were ignoring him? Didn’t they know that was dangerous?

“Hey, I’m not finished yet! I want an explanation! Oh, I see… you’re trying to make everyone think that I am insane!”

“At the moment it doesn’t seem like I would actually have to try.”

Now that was it. Now Tony was pissed. “You know what… just stop from turning into animals to get into my bed. Not everybody is getting turned on by fur and claws.”

Vision’s eyes went ridiculously wide, Loki scowled and Tony turned, storming back into the house. Well, at least he had learned something. The next ex-villain who wanted to become part of the Avengers would get his ass kicked. That’s what you get for being nice and sweet.

Tony was still sizzling with anger when Natasha walked past him, on the phone, smiling happily. Ha! No questions needed to be asked, the mere fact that Tony was able to surprise her and take the cell away from her told him that she was clearly distracted by the conversation. Only one person who could do that.

“Hey, your highness, get your royal ass over here and take your stupid panther with you! Or I will give it to the next best zoo and it won’t be a nice zoo! I don’t care if treating a panther disrespectfully is a major crime in Wakanda! Have a nice fucking day!” Hanging up Tony handed Natasha the phone back and… maybe that hadn’t been the best idea. Loki and Barnes still had a lot to learn when it came down stealing somebody’s soul with a single glance. The way she stared at him made Tony shift from one leg to another, giving her a tentative smile, hoping she wouldn’t pull a knife out of nowhere and cut him into pieces. “Do not ever do that again.”

Tony opened his mouth to tell her that he wasn’t scared of her, but since that would be a lie and Natasha’s gaze got even darker, Tony decided that he wanted to stay alive. “How about… I borrow you my jet and you take a little trip to Wakanda, then wouldn’t put such a strain on the phone bill and… please, don’t kill me?”

Natasha considered it, pursed her lips and then sighed. “You really need to get laid, Tony.”

Then she left him standing there and Tony rolled his eyes. “You really need to get laid, Tony… You think I don’t know that! Why do you think I want to get rid of the panther? It’s sending me mixed signals!”

“Uhm… I fear I have to make a confession.”

Turning around Tony spotted Wanda standing in the doorway. What? Was she always around when he was making a fool out of himself? Probably because of that mind reading stuff…

Mind reading. Huh… That could be useful…

“Wanda, great. Come here. I got a job for you. Most important job you are ever going to do and I need your complete concentration…”

“Sure, but I…”

“No talking, listening! Like I said – most important thing you’ll ever hear! Okay, you gotta play double agent. Normally I’d go to Natasha for something like that, but she’s kinda angry with me, because I interrupted her phone sex session with the panther king… and she can’t read minds! So, I need you to talk to Loki. You’re besties, so that won’t be a problem. Talk about nail polish or thighs or… whatever, you are a girl you know what to do. Here’s the important part – you need to end up talking about guys. Handsome dudes you’d like to get it on with. Then you mention me and read his fucking messed up mind to find out what he thinks about me… Wait, that’s not exactly subtle and absolutely not what I’m interested in! I want you to talk about panthers. Sounds weird, I know, but it’s extremely important. You have to read his mind and find out if he likes to transform into a panther to do some weird…”

“Loki isn’t the panther!” Wanda blurted out and Tony’s brain wasn’t quick enough to catch up with that.

“… sodomy related… wait, what?”

Wanda’s face was almost as red as her face and she mumbled a few words in Sakovian before she lifted her head and looked sheepishly at him. “I am sorry, you were so upset about Masika and I was worried that you would insist on getting rid of her… so I thought it would be a good idea of you warmed up to her…”

Tony didn’t like where this was going. At all…

“So I created a little double… for only you to see… so you’d come to like her…”

Deep breaths. Slow and steady. No quick movements. No strangling her. All nice and… “Are you fucking insane?!”

“I am sorry!” To her credit, she did indeed look sorry and Tony would make her feel even more… sorrier. “I had no idea that you might think it’s Loki…”

“So the hot brooding guy doesn’t have the hots for me?! And I invited a fucking panther to shower with me?! That’s… Oh, you can consider yourself thrown out, missy!” Tony had quite a lot more things to say, but he was taken aback by her casual shrug.

“Well, I’ve wanted to move to Vis’ room anyway.”

That was it.

Tony let out a very pathetic scream and rushed past her. “I hope you know that he’s a robot and I am not sure if Ultron added the fun bits!”

Alcohol. Lots of it. To destroy the part of his brain that forced him to remember that he had tried to make a move on a panther… and that panther wasn’t even fucking real!

Thanks to Tony’s instructions and some work on Friday’s part the fridge was now stocked with beer and Tony could happily kill his own liver. Sucking on his first but surely not last bottle Tony took another look into the fridge, because there had been some chocolate cake left from last night and it had his name on it.

Or not anymore, because it was fucking gone.

Let’s do a quick resume, shall we? Tony had a thing going on with the illusion of a panther, everyone thought he was mad, Loki wasn’t trying to get into his pants and some asshat had eaten his chocolate cake...

That was the last straw

“Fuck you, guys! I’m out of here! I’ll go to a party with blackjack and hookers and you guys suck!”

There was no party with blackjack and hookers, but the next club was also good enough. Tony managed to get nicely drunk, but he didn’t have much luck with the girls since his weird questions about panthers seemed to scare them off. Whatever, there was booze and nobody was annoying him.

His plan to sleep at the tower failed miserably though, because when he told Friday to take him home, she somehow figured he had meant the compound. Tony had fallen asleep on the backseat of the Friday operated car and only woke up when he was already at the compound.

Damn, well, fuck this…

It was in the middle of the night and Tony didn’t feel like going to bed, because he knew he’d wake up with a hell of a hangover. Actually he could already feel it right now although he was still drunk. Tony wanted to put his head under water to cast away the beginning of a headache. That sounded like a good idea…

Very slowly Tony made his way across the house, out on the terrace with the intention to go skinny dipping, because this was his fucking house, his fucking pool and he could do whatever the fuck he wanted.

The pool was already occupied.

Tony stopped dead in his tracks, swaying a little bit and he blinked a few times to make sure he wasn’t having some alcohol induced hallucinations. Very hot hallucinations. How many people would pay to see Captain America and the Winter Soldier making out in the swimming pool? Tony was getting it for free.

Had taken quite some time for this day to get better, but Tony could work with this. Yap, watching two admittedly hot guys sucking face was something Tony could get behind. In the pool where everybody could walk in on them, Tony was never going to let Steve leave that down…

Speaking / thinking of Steve, Tony thought he could hear him moan softly against Barnes’ mouth while his arms tightened around the other’s shoulders. Barnes had Steve pressed up against the side of the pool and at the moment clearly sucking on Steve’s tongue.

Filthy… Tony should take pictures and scatter them all over the house for Steve to go crazy over. Too bad that Tony couldn’t unlock his stupid phone… Seriously, what’s up with these guys? First they deny all the fucking time that they’re an item and then… in the pool. Where Wilson swam his laps before breakfast. Oh, Tony couldn’t wait to tell him.

First he needed to sit down though, standing on two feet was terribly difficult. Steve was probably having the same problem or why else should he wrap his legs around Barnes? Right…

“If I could get my phone to work to record this, I’d be an even richer man than I already am and I have a shitload of money…”

Did he say that out loud? He must have, because they suddenly let go of each other and stared at him. Steve like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar and Barnes could switch from ‘I desperately want to fuck my boyfriend’ to ‘I want to murder this guy next to the pool’ disturbingly quickly. Great job, Tony, great job…

“Stark! What the fuck are you doing, you pervert?!”

Uhm… “Watching free porn?”

Steve blinked in shock, his cheeks flushing instantly and Tony knew that he wouldn’t get to see any porn. Tragedy…

“Are you fucking drunk!?”

“Yep and I’m loving it. What are you guys doing? And why are your trunks lying here?” Tony reached out and picked up said swimming trunks. “Little American flags? Really, Steve, really?”

Steve was still busy blushing, but Barnes was already swimming to the other side of the pool, his eyes clearly proving how much he wanted to rip Tony’s head off now. Too funny…

“Hand them over and fuck off!”

“My house. My pool. By the way what you were about to do… is not very hygienic…”

“Fuck off!”

Barnes was about to climb out off the pool and Tony would mind to check him out a little bit, but there was a good chance Barnes would kill him a second later. Nah, Tony still liked to live and he needed to live to tease them till the end of days. “Fine… go on… but change the water afterwards… here.”

Tony threw the trunks into the water or at least he tried to, but he only hit Barnes in the face. Nice. Why couldn’t he do that sober?

Oh, right… time to flee…

The next morning Tony had no idea how he had gotten… not into bed. He way lying on the floor next to it. Well, only half bad… After swallowing half a bottle of aspirin that he always kept on the nightstand Tony crawled into the kitchen. Thor, Rhodey and Sam were sitting at the table, watching him and not really trying to hide their smugness. Very funny…

Tony had downed two glasses of water before somebody spoke up. “So… did you drown your sorrows, because Loki didn’t want to have… animalistic sex with you?”

All three of them burst into laughter and Tony’s head nearly exploded. So much aspirin for nothing, the jackhammer in his head was killing him. Not even talking about the humiliation. Tony mumbled under his breath, sipping on his water.

“Sorry, I didn’t get that.”

“I said – fuck you… why are you even laughing, Thor? They’re talking about your little brother. Shame on you.”

Thor smiled his stupid, happy smile and Tony would have thrown his glass at him if he wasn’t so busy suffering. “Since you have only tried to get closer to the panther and not to my brother, I see no reason to be upset.”

Normally Tony would have happily told them that they could go fuck themselves, but right now he was content with giving them the finger and returning to his room. On his way there he bumped into Steve who stared at him with wide eyes, then instantly turned as red as Tony’s suit and ran off.

Yep, totally worth it…

**Author's Note:**

> Preview for the next instalment - Tony and Bucky make a bet. There can only be losers ;)


End file.
